A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit disgruntled, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, ” Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!”
Andy and Irene had been going out together for three months and Andy decided that Irene was definitely ‘the one’. He took her out to dinner intending to propose and, after the meal, he told her of his intentions and then said,
“Look, it’s only fair that I tell you that I’m a total golf nut. I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so, if it’s going to cause problems, it’s best to say so now.”
Irene replied, “Since we’re being honest and open with each other, I have a confession to make.” Andy raised his eyebrows questioningly.
She took a deep breath and said, “I used to be a hooker, but I couldn’t carry on like that, so I’ve given the game up completely.”
“I see”, said Andy. “Yes, that certainly is a problem.”
He sat for some time, deep in thought, then said, “You know, I reckon you should take it up again. It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists together when you tee off.”
Is Shakespeare proscribed reading in schools yet? I’ve long giving up trying to keep track. I still hope that, one day, Enid Blyton will give as much pleasure to others as it did to me.
Daniel Hannan evocatively quotes the bard in his article about the University of Reading’s Medieval Soldier Database, which makes available the records of 250,000 soldiers who fought through the Hundred Years War, giving the names of the archers and men-at-arms who fought at that historic battle.
Now, where did I put my Complete Works…?
A women walked into a pub and asked the landlord for a double entendre.
So he gave her one.
Daily Telegraph
Say it with flowers
While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Tony and Julie listened to the instructor declare how important it is that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.
“Like what?” one man called out to the presenter.
“Well,” the presenter said, “Let’s start with the men. Can you each name your wife’s favorite flower?”
Tony leaned over, touched Julie’s arm gently, and whispered,
“Self-raising, right?”