• Quote of the Day

    “What!!! Gold over a $1000…we could sell some of our gold reserves..we’ll make a fortune…yippeee we’re all saved.”

    Bry St Ives, a commenter on Daniel Hannan's blog.

Fore!

What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?

Tiger Woods can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

Thanks to Popbitch for this one.

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Big Issue

i betWhy can’t Big Issue sellers be as inventive? Thanks to Business Pundit for the picture. Have a look at his site and especially at this piece about Macdonalds.

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New Deodorant

I bought a new deodorant stick today.

I’d never used one like this before so I read the instructions.

They said “remove cap and slowly push up bottom”

So I took off my cap and…do I really have to supply the punch line?

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Cheek to cheek

A woman was in a terrible accident, and her face needed plastic surgery to cover her scars. The doctor told the husband that she desperately needed a skin graft, that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too thin.

So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Darling, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you.”

“My precious, think nothing of it,” he replied, “I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

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Winnie the Pooh and the Pandemic

As the two friends wandered through the snow on the way home, Piglet grinned to himself, thinking how lucky he was to have a best friend like Pooh.

Pooh thought to himself:

“If the little bastard sneezes, he’s dead.”

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