Why the English wore red coats
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured an English colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French general began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French general asked, “Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don’t you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?”
In his bland English way, the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won’t show, and the men they are leading won’t panic.
And that is why, from that day to this, all French Army officers wear brown trousers.
7 July 2008
Well?
Is there another word for synonym?
6 July 2008
Fore! Er, Two!
Taking a break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into a petrol station in Ireland.
An attendant greets him in typical Irish fashion, unaware who his customer is.
“Top o’ the mornin to ya”.
As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
“So what are those things, laddie?”, asks the attendant.
They’re called tees,” replies Tiger.
“And what would ya be usin ‘em for, now?”.
“Well, they’re for resting my balls on when I drive,” replies Tiger.
“Aw, Jaysus, Mary an’ Joseph!”, exclaims The attendant. “Those fellas at
Mercedes think of everything.”
6 July 2008
Treat
When I got home from work last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to somewhere expensive.
So I took her to a petrol station.
5 July 2008
Mummy, mummy!
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.
“I’ve just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!” the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, “Bring him in. We’ll check it out.”
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. “You were right about the mummy’s age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?”
“Simple… there was a piece of paper in his hand that said – put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath’.”
3 July 2008
Tough one
Q: What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?
A: A rock guitarist gets to play three chords in front of thousands of people…
27 June 2008
David Davis has a fight on his hands
The voters in Haltemprice and Howden are spoilt for choice.
Grace Christine Astley -Independent
David Laurence Bishop – Church of the Militant Elvis Party
Ronnie Carroll – Make Politicians History
Mad Cow-Girl – The Official Monster Raving Loony Party
David Craig – Independent
Herbert Winford Crossman – Independent
Tess Culnane – National Front Britain for the British
Thomas Faithful Darwood – Independent
David Michael Davis – Conservative
Tony Farnon – Independent
Eamonn “Fitzy” Fitzpatrick – Independent
Christopher Mark Foren – Independent
Gemma Dawn Garrett – Miss Great Britain Party
George Hargreaves – Christian Party
Hamish Howitt – Freedom 4 Choice
David Icke – No party listed
John Nicholson – Independent
Shan Oakes – Green Party
David Pinder – The New Party
Joanne Robinson – English Democrats: Putting England First
Jill Saward – Independent
Norman Scarth – Independent
Walter Edward Sweeney – Independent
Christopher John Talbot – Socialist Equality Party
John Randle Upex – Independent
Greg Wood – Independent
Go Jo!
27 June 2008
Golden oldie
The one good thing about global warming is that as the waters rise, Hazel Blears will drown first.
Attributed to “a senior member of the Parliamentary Labour Party” back in 2007.
23 June 2008
Polly Toyboy
What’s the difference between Polly Toynbee and a puppy?
At least a puppy stops whining after a while.
31 May 2008
Floundering
Brownian motion is the random movement of particles suspended in a liquid or gas or the mathematical model used to describe such random movements.
Brownian motion, random, without direction or guidance.
Gordon to a ‘T’.
28 May 2008
